Long story short, my mental health took a toll this month. And my main takeaway and lesson learned is this:
What makes any project successful is time and relationships.
But by leaning into the pain, I worked through deep underlying fears holding me back, regained clarity about who I am as an artist, and took active steps to reclaim my JOY through dancing and renew my commitment to training.
As as an empathic healer type, I felt broken open. Homies who were fully there for me, my full gratitude goes out to you. I found more spaciousness for gentleness and patience while I dizzily processed the ways in which I realized I was actually rebuilding what feels like everything about myself from the ground up. It makes me really look forward to what is possible with plenty of TIME invested. Tenderness is real, but I know I am sturdy at my core.
Softness helps me balance it all out.
I had a big energetic release through an acupuncture appointment which allowed my body to access the deep rest and ease I needed to feel closer to my sense of wholeness and empowerment. I experienced one of the most magical, inspiring, sacred weekends of my life in LA so far which included a Pacific Ocean sunrise blessing. I’m going to process the depth of healing and joy that I held for a long time.
I am continuing to take inquiries for my independent projects as an artist-organizer, and it’s deeply affirming to know that I stand on my body of work. I am writing residency applications, developing new creative modalities, and challenging myself to apply to a “reach school” grant. I am refocusing on my personal health, ongoing spiritual contemplation, and moving from a grounded place of inner strength.
And on the other side, projects are steadily falling into place and I am rebuilding.
I’m glad I’m in LA. If I stayed in Philly I wouldn’t be growing. And in the midst of pushing back against the forces that feel destabilizing, I’m trying to find balance between healing and meeting challenges. Rigor and self care.
My skyline, rear view mirror, and sense of belonging has changed more drastically this year than it ever has. But I’m so proud that I made it this far and that I’m committing to deepening my compassion for humanity and myself through any challenge. I’m cultivating an inner resilience and it makes me feel more fearless. My soul feels stronger. I’m so excited to take in the soil of where I am, a kind that I deeply needed.
Insight into people with big feels:
“Being an empath has incredible benefits: greater intuition, compassion, creativity and a deeper connection to other people. But living in this state of high sensitivity also comes with its challenges: becoming easily overwhelmed, over-stimulated, exhausted, or absorbing the stress and negativity of others.”The Internet